Ten Thousand Beside

            One of the greatest joys that the end of a semester brings is the opportunity to look back over the last four months and reflect on what I have learned and how I have grown. Although it is easy to fly through projects, papers, juries, and final exams without ever pausing to consider what the Lord has done in my life, it is absolutely essential to take the time to contemplate specific ways that I have seen his faithfulness as he has shaped and molded me throughout the semester. Consequently, before I race through finals, throw a pile of clothes in my suitcase, and catch a plane to Minneapolis, I would like to share the unique challenges, discoveries, and joys that have characterized the fall semester of my sophomore year.

           Near the beginning of the semester I had many upperclassmen girls inform me that sophomore year was their most challenging, emotionally speaking. While I would not necessarily say that this year has been more emotionally draining than last year, it has definitely brought its share of weariness, loneliness, and discouragement. Near the beginning of the semester, I was reminded that discouragement is not an excuse to lack joy. Life frequently brings seasons of discouragement, times when we are overwhelmed or just plain tired. But that does not mean that we cannot have joy. The joy that we have in Christ is absolutely independent of circumstances, and even in those times of weariness we can rejoice in the glorious truth of all that Christ has done on our behalf. In seasons of weariness we can also realize that maybe the people around us are just as discouraged or lonely as we are. And as we seek to encourage others who are weary, somewhere along the way we may discover that we are not quite so lonely or tired anymore.

            Another important theme this semester has been that God’s plan is so much better than my own. Near the beginning of the semester a certain professor reminded me over lunch that when you examine your life, if something isn’t happening the way you think it should be, it’s because what God has in store is better. He mentioned it in the context of relationships, but the concept applies to all aspects of our lives and has been important for me to recall throughout the semester. Although I know Romans 8:28 as well as the next person and have always been taught that God has a perfect plan for my life, there is frequently a disconnect between what I know to be true and the practical working out of my beliefs. This semester as I’ve wrestled with what I want to do with my life, questioned where I am headed, and wondered if I really am where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to be doing, this was such an important reminder for me. I can come up with endless ‘what-ifs’ and theoretical paths that I could have taken, but the truth is that God has me here and what he has for me is better. I have been challenged to consider that perhaps God’s plan for me is bigger than I am capable of dreaming and maybe he has so much more for me than I ever dared to hope.

            This leads to the next lesson, which was perhaps one of the more uncomfortable ones for me to wrestle with. I cannot recall what the circumstances were that laid this upon my heart, but a simple journal entry from a few months back has served to be a difficult but extremely important reminder: “die to the dream of a controlled life.” Somewhere in the mid-semester busyness, in the midst of homework woes and trying to figure out what it is I am actually doing here I always seem to reach a moment when I am overwhelmed by all of the things that I cannot control. This semester I was confronted with how ridiculous that is. The glorious truth is that my God is sovereign over each and every detail of my life and that leaves me with no reason to be anxious about anything, whether it be homework, friendships, church, juries, or my future. When I am willing to die to my dreams of being in control of my own life, I can find the perfect rest and peace of truly and deeply trusting God’s sovereign hand.

           Perhaps the most crucial things that I have learned over the course of this semester have been in regards to holiness. Certain events throughout the semester have reminded me that none of us are immune to temptation. It is naïve to think that I am not capable of falling into sin and disqualifying myself for ministry. It is absolutely crucial to take holiness seriously and to pursue Christ in every way. Every single decision I make, no matter how big or how small, is taking me towards holiness or away from it, and each decision in the wrong direction so easily leads to a series of wrong decisions until the problem has produced unbearable consequences. No sin can be taken lightly and I must live each and every day clinging to God’s grace and striving to become more like him.

           This lesson has also driven me to my knees for my brothers and sisters. When confronted with the reality of how ugly sin is, I realized that I must daily be on my knees praying for my fellow students, for my professors, and for my pastors. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who are doing amazing things for God’s kingdom and will continue to transform the world. However, we must all realize and understand how quickly our witness and ministry can be lost if we do not guard ourselves and pursue holiness in every way.

           Finally, throughout the semester I have become increasingly aware of how much I do not understand. It is often true that the more we learn the more we realize how much we still have to learn, and this has certainly been the case for me this fall. I have encountered countless things that I cannot yet grasp and endless questions that my brain has been unable to sort out. I have found great encouragement in the words of Anselm of Canterbury, “I do not seek to understand in order to believe, but rather to believe in order to understand.” I will forever encounter things in this world that I simply do not get and questions that I do not know the answer to. Sometimes I will not understand how the Lord is working or why he has placed me in a certain situation. In those times, it is okay to step back, to stop trying to understand everything, and simply praise God for his sovereignty, understanding, and faithfulness. The list of things that I do not understand is endless, but I believe that God is good, that he is faithful, and that his plan is so much better than I could possibly imagine.

           As this semester comes to an end my heart is full. Although there have been difficult moments and at times I was not entirely sure if I would make it, this semester has brought incredible blessings and countless joys. My mind has been blown by the faithfulness of my God and the promises he has given me. As I look ahead to the future and praise God for what I know he will do, the final verse of Great is Thy Faithfulness rings in my heart:

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,

Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Amen. Great is his faithfulness, indeed!

 

[soli deo gloria]

The Glory of the Lord

    In many Christian circles today great emphasis is placed on the personal aspect of God’s character. We love to talk about our God who loves us, cares for us, and is intimately involved in our daily lives. We find great strength and security in the awareness that he knows us deeply and relates to us. This is both beautiful and necessary. However, too often God’s immanence is emphasized at the expense of his transcendence, the part of him that is beyond physical existence and comprehension.

    For awhile we can talk about his transcendence. When we speak of him as Creator we enjoy contemplating his creativity and love of beauty. We like to recall that he is everywhere, that he knows all things, that he is the sustainer of life. But keep going and we begin to get uncomfortable. Begin to contemplate his holiness, his righteousness, and his justice, and suddenly we get squirmy. We know that these are important aspects of his character, but we don’t want to dwell on them too long, thinking about the implications. We don’t want to think about the fact that our God is so holy and so just that he cannot be in the presence of sin. We don’t want to think about the fact that he is so far above us and so powerful that we cannot stand in his presence, but must fall on our faces. We throw out the command to fear the Lord by arguing that it probably means something more along the lines of ‘respect.’

    But the reality is that any theology that doesn’t include our God’s power, justice, and holiness, which we cannot even look upon, is severely lacking. It is dangerous to forget that we must revere and fear (yes fear) our God, that his glory and power are frightening to behold, and that he is absolutely just and holy. First of all, if he is not powerful and just, he can no longer be a good and perfect stronghold. He is a stronghold because he is powerful, and he is good because he is also righteous and just. Second, if we forget these aspects of God’s character we are in danger of slipping into a life of licentiousness that doesn’t take holiness or obedience seriously. And holiness and obedience are a really big deal. If we start living like some sins really aren’t that big of a deal we will lose our footing and slide down that slippery slope before we even realize we’re going downhill. If we don’t contemplate the more difficult aspects of God’s character, check our pride and realize how small we truly are, and give him the honor, fear, and reverence he demands, we’ll be headed down a dangerous road.

    So let’s leave room in our theology of God’s immanence for his justice, power, and holiness. Let’s realize that our obedience is essential, and rely on his grace to get us through every second of every day. Let’s pursue holiness and honor our good, loving, gracious, kind, just, holy, and powerful God.

 

"Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord. And when I saw it, I fell on my face." -Ezekiel 1:28 

 

Soli deo gloria

Beauty in the City

I believe that God loves the city.

That’s not to say God doesn’t love suburban and rural areas. He certainly does. But I think sometimes we lose sight of God’s heart for the city. There’s no fresh air, it’s noisy, the traffic is insane, parts of it aren’t very safe, it’s hot in the summer and nasty slop is everywhere in the winter, and there’s no nature. When we think about all of these things, we often forget the beauty of the city. But the city is beautiful for several reasons.

First of all, there are no bugs. Sure you may get roaches if you’re apartment is a pit, but if you go for a walk outside, you will see absolutely no mosquitoes, you will not get any cobwebs in your face, and you won’t get a single tick. That is beautiful.

Second, there are sidewalks. You can walk anywhere that you need to go. You don’t have to worry about freeways, putting gas in your car, or those weird twisty neighborhoods where all the houses are the same. Fantastic.

And one specific to Chicago, we have one of the Great Lakes. Seriously, could it be more awesome than that?

Now, wonderful as these things are, I don’t think that’s why God loves the city. I believe that God loves people, and the city is full of them! It’s where things happen, where culture is changed and defined, where ideas and dreams become realities, and where beliefs are shared. The city is where you learn and understand what different people are really thinking and believing, how the culture is changing, what people are dreaming about, and how you can really be an effective witness and impact the world for Christ. I believe that God wants to reach the city and transform the people here. God’s heart is to care for the poor, to love the lost, and to heal the broken. The city is full of people who are poor, broken and lost, and his heart is to reach those people!

What an amazing opportunity it is to be living in the heart of downtown Chicago! As I sit in my windowsill, drinking Korean tea, watching the traffic below, enjoying the view of the beautiful architecture, and listening to all the sounds of the city, I can’t help but be excited. God has a heart for the city and I can’t wait to discover more of what that is and how I fit into his plan for this city.

Soli deo gloria.

Moose Hunting and Chocolate Milk

    After weighing the pros and cons of becoming a nun, I long ago decided that it was not the path for me. This summer I decided that an excellent alternative would be to become a gypsy with some nun-like qualities. However, after some deeper contemplation I have decided to move to Alaska and live with the Seven Dwarves. Although the Seven Dwarves are axe murderers (this is what actually happened to Snow White), they will immediately recognize my superb moose-hunting abilities and decide to keep me around to help them hunt moose. There I will spend the rest of my days, exploring the beautiful Alaskan wilderness, knitting mittens, and hunting moose. And of course drinking chocolate milk, because we all know that the Alaska pipeline is actually filled with chocolate milk, rather than oil.

Bring it.

The Redeemer

    Lately more and more days go by that I am simply saddened by the world around me. As I watch people live lifestyles that can only lead to hopelessness and self-destruction, hear horrifying news stories of senseless violence, see the sick and helpless get abandoned and forgotten, and learn of deep personal tragedies in the lives of loved ones, my heart aches and longs for an answer. I want to know why there is poverty in our world, why the helpless get oppressed, why people die of starvation, why the elderly get forgotten or taken advantage of, why people self-destruct, why innocent people are killed for no reason, why families get destroyed, why people are hurting, lonely, and lost,

why all the injustice

and how long will it go on?

    Some days the world around me looks so desperate and hopeless that all I want to do is sit down and sob for every broken heart, every torn relationship, every lost, hungry, and oppressed soul. And I want answers. I want to know why God allowed this, that, or the other, where God was when so-and-so prayed for this, and what is being accomplished through all of this?

    I don’t have an answer. I could eloquently state some good theological concepts about suffering or talk about how we live in a fallen world and therefore injustice exists or say something about how it’s all for a reason. But at the end of the day, even though these things are true, that’s not what anyone wants to hear. The bottom line is that I don’t know why injustice and suffering happen and I don’t know how long it will continue.

    But I know my Redeemer.

    I know that the God I serve has promised that one day he will undo all of the wrongs, all of the suffering, and all of the injustice. I know that my Savior chose the path of suffering for himself, and if he was willing to enter into our world and experience pain and suffering then he must have a good reason for allowing it to exist. And I know that my God is able to do all that he has promised.

    I have hope, comfort, peace, and joy, even in the midst of a badly broken world. I don’t need to have all the answers and I don’t need to explain it all away. I know that my God is able and will redeem this world and that here and now he walks with us in our pain and our suffering. He chose to suffer himself and he chooses to come alongside us in every hardship, every trial, every tragedy. While it would be nice to have neat, tidy answers to all of these difficult questions, I have the only answer I need in the hope that God is working redemption in this world. I have his promises of present comfort and grace to walk with him through any circumstance and future redemption of all pain, suffering, and injustice. And I have the hope that in the light of the future glory that awaits us, even the most horrible pain and suffering imaginable will seem small. Take heart. We serve a great Redeemer.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

– 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

[soli deo gloria]

Quiet Desperation...Breath of Assurance

    In the comfort of familiarity, it’s easy to feel safe and in control. One feels as if their bases are covered, they have a handle on things, and they are secure in routine. Independent. Composed. Protected.

    But once our routine gets rocked around, we are driven headfirst into something unfamiliar, or something comes along that we can’t control, our feeling of independence is shattered. We realize that we’re never in control, we cannot find our security and safety in ourselves, and no matter how collected we may look on the outside, there will always be times of inner turmoil.

    We realize we’re desperate.

   My summer has been crazy so far. Save the first couple weeks after my semester ended, I haven’t spent more than a week in the same place. I’m constantly running from one thing to the next, trying to be prepared for whatever is next on my agenda. And somewhere in the stress and chaos, I see it.

    Desperation.

    Try as I might, I will never come to the place where I can do it all by myself. I will never quite have a handle on things or be able to rely on my own abilities and strength to get by. My attempts at perfection will always come up short, and anything I try to bring to the table will never be enough.

    But this desperation doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It shouldn’t be a bad thing, because our desperation is meant to bring us to dependence. When we finally reach the breaking point and realize we could never handle things on our own, the door opens up for God to come in and breath his assurance that he is our strength. He is our provider. He is our joy. Our peace. Our Savior. Our life. When we come to the point of realization that we truly are desperate for him, we can truly begin to depend on him.

Desperate. Dependence.

[soli deo gloria]

Off-Kilter

    Perhaps the biggest miracle of the last few months is that I finished my first year of college. Somehow, I survived another piano jury, scraped by with some pretty good grades, and managed to build deep friendships and get plugged in at an amazing church. In big and small ways God has shown his goodness and faithfulness over and over again this year as I’ve begun an incredible new chapter of my life.

    The past few weeks I’ve been readjusting to life at home in beautiful Minnesota. As I’m finally getting settled in, it’s time to head off again tomorrow morning. I will be spending a week in Haiti, working at a mission that my parents have been connected with since they were in college, and then I’ll be counseling at a girls Bible camp on and off all summer. While I’m excited for all that’s ahead, it’s easy to feel like my life is spinning out of control, with something new flying at me just as I’ve begun to adjust. But I think God plans it that way on purpose. Before we get too comfortable he sends us just a bit off-kilter again, reminding us of how badly we need him. Indeed, we must rely on him with our entire being and cling to him, knowing that we are completely and utterly dependent on our heavenly Father.

   Simple truths. Easily stated. But how difficult to live them out! To truly surrender to God and let go of every last detail, knowing and trusting that he will come through and be sufficient in every circumstance. Always, when we begin to feel like we’re getting there, something comes along to worry us or stress us out or cause us to doubt. And I am convinced that each of those somethings were ordained by God to remind us and to cause us, once again, to cling tightly to the hands that created all things and hold all things together.

“I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.” – Psalm 16:7-9

[soli deo gloria]