Quiet Desperation...Breath of Assurance

    In the comfort of familiarity, it’s easy to feel safe and in control. One feels as if their bases are covered, they have a handle on things, and they are secure in routine. Independent. Composed. Protected.

    But once our routine gets rocked around, we are driven headfirst into something unfamiliar, or something comes along that we can’t control, our feeling of independence is shattered. We realize that we’re never in control, we cannot find our security and safety in ourselves, and no matter how collected we may look on the outside, there will always be times of inner turmoil.

    We realize we’re desperate.

   My summer has been crazy so far. Save the first couple weeks after my semester ended, I haven’t spent more than a week in the same place. I’m constantly running from one thing to the next, trying to be prepared for whatever is next on my agenda. And somewhere in the stress and chaos, I see it.

    Desperation.

    Try as I might, I will never come to the place where I can do it all by myself. I will never quite have a handle on things or be able to rely on my own abilities and strength to get by. My attempts at perfection will always come up short, and anything I try to bring to the table will never be enough.

    But this desperation doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It shouldn’t be a bad thing, because our desperation is meant to bring us to dependence. When we finally reach the breaking point and realize we could never handle things on our own, the door opens up for God to come in and breath his assurance that he is our strength. He is our provider. He is our joy. Our peace. Our Savior. Our life. When we come to the point of realization that we truly are desperate for him, we can truly begin to depend on him.

Desperate. Dependence.

[soli deo gloria]

Off-Kilter

    Perhaps the biggest miracle of the last few months is that I finished my first year of college. Somehow, I survived another piano jury, scraped by with some pretty good grades, and managed to build deep friendships and get plugged in at an amazing church. In big and small ways God has shown his goodness and faithfulness over and over again this year as I’ve begun an incredible new chapter of my life.

    The past few weeks I’ve been readjusting to life at home in beautiful Minnesota. As I’m finally getting settled in, it’s time to head off again tomorrow morning. I will be spending a week in Haiti, working at a mission that my parents have been connected with since they were in college, and then I’ll be counseling at a girls Bible camp on and off all summer. While I’m excited for all that’s ahead, it’s easy to feel like my life is spinning out of control, with something new flying at me just as I’ve begun to adjust. But I think God plans it that way on purpose. Before we get too comfortable he sends us just a bit off-kilter again, reminding us of how badly we need him. Indeed, we must rely on him with our entire being and cling to him, knowing that we are completely and utterly dependent on our heavenly Father.

   Simple truths. Easily stated. But how difficult to live them out! To truly surrender to God and let go of every last detail, knowing and trusting that he will come through and be sufficient in every circumstance. Always, when we begin to feel like we’re getting there, something comes along to worry us or stress us out or cause us to doubt. And I am convinced that each of those somethings were ordained by God to remind us and to cause us, once again, to cling tightly to the hands that created all things and hold all things together.

“I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.” – Psalm 16:7-9

[soli deo gloria]